I recently experienced something that gave me an insight into people who inflict pain on themselves in order to feel alive. I'm referring here to those who do this not as a sexual thing, but for a mind that is in the shadows. It never quite made sense until I experienced what I'm about to share with you.
A while ago, I realized that when I touched my skin, it didn't feel the same as before. It felt like my skin had gone slightly numb. It wasn't that I could not feel my fingers touching my skin. The sensation seemed a little blunted. It bothered me quite a bit. And I drew the conclusion that over the past couple of years, I had endured so many painful experiences that in order to just function and maintain some sanity/stability, I had numbed myself to pain somewhat. It was as if my body had physically manifested what my mind had set up. "...On Earth as it is in Heaven.." The body manifests that which predominates the mind. I remember when I had made that choice and I remember thinking how I would just switch because I didn't like getting hurt over and over again. I effectively manifested my intentions without even realizing what I was doing! Gosh! If I would only harness this power to manifest many more positive things!!!
Have you ever heard people who deliberately hurt themselves talk about why they do it? Most will say that it is to feel something. I used to thing this was really just a metaphor for something else, but having experienced this body numbing experiences, I realized it is a statement made in earnest! You see, the first time I noticed that my skin felt a little numb, I pinched myself just to feel the pain, because having pain reassured me that i was alive, that my sensation was intact.
As I pinched myself and felt the pain, it hit me! They really do inflict pain on themselves to feel something. Have I said that a few times already?
You see, most people who indulge in deliberate self-harm have suffered some kind of trauma that has pushed them into a state of mind that is self destruction. However, I believe that in that dark abyss of self inflicted suffering is a soul screaming out for help; looking for some way of waking up, of feeling alive again. You see, pain, as much as we hate it, tells us that we are alive.
You know how we say that someone has jumped out of their skin from fear or horror or following some trauma? Well, you see, jumping out of your skin means reducing your awareness of your senses and perhaps the most subtle would be that of 'fine touch' and vibration. It lessens the pain, physically to correspond with their reduced awareness. Remember that the body manifests that which predominates the mind!!
Where am I going with all this? Nowhere in particular. Just sharing an insight that I had, in the hope that you will feel greater compassion for those who hurt themselves because they have stepped out of their own skin!
I suppose what would really be helpful would be some solution to the problem.
I suppose, simplistically, if there were to get back into their own skins, they would not feel the need to cause pain. It's a bit ironic, though, since the reason they jumped out of their skin was because they felt a pain that was unbearable to them and did so as a means of self preservation.
