Rainbow

A rainbow happens when the 'white light' of the sun hits the little drops of water in the air and then get dispersed into the component frequencies/colours. The each drop of water acts as a prism and bends the light at just the right angle that causes each component colour of white light to be slowed down to a different extent due to their different wavelengths.
It is actually incredible when you think about the fact that out of what we perceive as white light, comes forth the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet... And isn't it just interesting that these also represent the colours of our 7 chakras? So we are literally beings of light with the heavier colours at the base and lighter ones towards the top... The lower chakras have a lower frequency and this increases till we reach our crown chakra.
When we think about colours, we don't usually think of them as what they are at the core...energy vibrating at a specific frequency!! We just see the colours around us and take these for granted. Actually, we don't think about it. We see colours; we know no different.
So, back to the rainbow...
When we hit an obstacle in life, perhaps we could simply alter our perception and see these as a prism that simply brings our colours out. I will come back to this later. Bye for now...

In this world, but not of it...

A great teacher once spoke these profound words to his followers, urging them to not be of this world although they were in it. I have heard these words read aloud many a time, but it never had true meaning with me till more recently.
I heard a great woman speak recently. Her name, Maureen Moss. I'd never heard about her until quite recently, as I embarked with more fervour on my journey onward and upward in the spirit. And listening to her articulate these words, which we all know deep inside, but have just lost the connection to, was so enlightening!
To be able to observe what is happening in your world - be it politics; job situations/unemployment; disintegrating relationships- and yet not get dragged into it. To be an observer in your own life. To be able to act from a place of higher consciousness, not governed by ego or your usual usual conditioned responses.
To understand that everyone is where they are meant to be.
To understand that the journey to liberation of each soul is a very personal one - you cannot do it for anyone else, but yourself.
And with that in mind, to be able to rise above the ego driven judgments of others and just be. NOt to say that you should condone bad behaviour, but that you should not get drawn into the drama of it all.To get here, is about getting past your ego...And boy, will your ego put up a fight as it seeks to maintain dominion over all that is you...

If you can truly live by those words as spoken by Jesus Christ many years ago, 'to be in this world, but not of this world' then you have have found your bliss. Because when you reach this point, you realize that you don't have to force anything or make anything happen, because it is...because it is well... because you are in the fullness of all you can be and you therefore simply manifest that which is in your highest interest by just BE-ING.

Forgive me... I forgive you...

The Hawaiian language has no words for, 'I am sorry'. What does happen is, you say "Please forgive me". And the other person says, "I forgive you".
To say, "I am sorry" is an indication of a state of being. It does not do anything beyond that. Whereas, to ask for forgiveness sets a process in motion which should ultimately lead to healing.

I don't know about you, but I do believe that our ancestors had a deeper reason for the painfully obvious absence of the phrase, ' I am sorry' from these languages.

I also find it interesting that races and nations and oceans apart, we have found commonality in a certain spiritual profundity to our languages. Makes me wonder about the common thread that is woven through the fibre of all humanity.


It got me thinking about the local languages in Ghana that I am familiar with and interestingly enough, there were no specific words for 'I am sorry...' All of them pretty much approach this the same way as the Hawaiian language. The conversation usually goes like this: I know I have wronged you, please forgive me.

The thing about this 'ritual' is that it forces each person out of their 'comfort zone'. It is difficult to come face to face with someone you have wronged, look them in the eye and not simply share with them how you are feeling about the incident, but going a step further to ask them for their forgiveness. Once you get past this point you put the monkey on the other person's shoulder. Now, the one who has been wronged has to take the equally painful position of saying to the other that they forgive them. In some cases, this process is used as a form of power play, totally defeating the entire purpose of the exercise.

When egos are set aside for this sacred process of forgiveness to begin, when the intention is pure, then true healing happens.

The joys of motherhood

Ok! I'm sure I have touched on this topic a million times, before, but I doubt that I could exhaust the issues of motherhood in a single lifetime!!!
Society has this blanket approach to motherhood that says that unless you are a mushy mummy who is seeping with copious amounts of tender loving care and adoration for your children, then you are a bad mother.
Well, I would like to on my behalf and on behalf of all other square peg mothers out there say this, "we are not mushy, but we rock!". I'm not saying so to make myself feel better at this point in time. I just get so tired of the looks you get from friends and family when you don't fall into that perfect mold of motherhood. Personally, I think I'd have made a great dad because of my emotional make up. I am not the doting type, and crave my freedom and solitude more than life with the pack. For me, motherhood is a physical and emotional drain at times. I have had to learn to not get so agitated when my personal space is encroached upon in that way only children know how. I spent years wallowing in guilt because I knew I was not like the other mum's I'd seen around. My role model was my mother, and she set a standard so high that I just fell flat on my face when I tried to live up to it. And it is a compliment to her for finding that balance that I never had before now. I finally started to do some introspection with regards to me- as my self, then as a mother, then as a partner. It was a difficult journey, which was triggered by a difficult period in my relationship.
As I type, my tiny tot is putting on her own pyjamas as she sings to herself, and it makes me smile. Honestly, the journey of motherhood to date has been filled tears, laughter, pain, pleasure...the two sides of the coin in almost every sense.
For fear of being labeled as bad mothers, or potentially harmful to their children, so many mothers suffer in silence. Society, whose rules (written and unwritten) have been established mostly by men, calls it the joys of motherhood! I can think of many more words to replace 'joys'.
I suppose my biggest conflict as a mother has been trying to reconcile the reality of motherhood as relates my personal experience and the stereotypical presentation of motherhood.
I was never excited about being pregnant. It seemed as though everyone else was more excited than I was with my pregnancy. I did want my child, but I didn't enjoy being pregnant. Being pregnant just put my emotions in flux in a way that I was unfamiliar with. I was never someone who suffered from PMS, so to experience the excess of female hormones and the emotional lability they came with was a bit destabilizing to say the least.
How often do mothers mention how they felt no instant bond with their child at birth? Or that need to just walk away soon after the baby was born because of that feeling of helplessness? Or the loss of self confidence? Or the mood swings? Or the breakdown in communication between partners? Or the disruption of their sex life? Or difficulty with burping!! Yes! Something that seems so trivial, yet has been the undoing of many a mother. I could go on and on! But, you know who judges mothers the hardest? Apart from other mothers? The answer, which I'm sure you already guessed is the mothers themselves.
Every time I see a mother, especially with newborns, I just want to go up to them and tell them that it is OK if they do not feel all those things that society tells them they are meant to feel. I just want to tell them not to beat themselves up over their inability to meet the mark! I just want to tell them it is OK to be themselves and to take it at their own pace, and to cut themselves some slack. After all, motherhood does not come with a manual. Especially as each child is different from the next, and the dynamics in each family differ from the next.
A friend of mine told me of how it took her four years to actually start feeling something for her son. It was a brave confession from her, and she gained my respect in that single moment. As she went on to explain, it was not that she didn't love him, but she just could not move out of career mode into motherhood mode. However, when she finally made the transition, she found that effusive love and affection for her son. She said to me that she had finally in her heart and in her mind accepted motherhood and the fact that what her life used to be was no more; that her career was now motherhood. The point is that, logically, she knew this, but to make that transition in her psyche and in her heart was more convoluted than was immediately obvious to her.
I have so much that I want to share with other mothers and mothers to be. For the mothers: to know that they are not abnormal; for the mothers to b:e to mentally prepare them. Even for the most well prepared woman, who has chosen motherhood at a specific point in her life, the unpredictability of it, the demands on one's essence can take their toll.
The (Our) mothers before us do not tell us of the hard times and difficulties, probably for the same reason they do not tell us of the difficulties in marriages or in relationships- for fear that we should choose not to have either experience. However, if the history of man is anything to go by, the lessons of others very rarely serve as a deterrent for us- hence history repeating itself. I do believe that it is better to have the information required to make a choice rather than to make one based on a fairytale or sugarcoated version of the truth.
There are many wonderful things about motherhood, but the not so great parts are underplayed and ignored. It is these small parts that cause so much pain. It is true that happier(balanced) mothers make happier(balanced) children, but how can you achieve this if the premise on which your journey begins and proceeds is wrong?
Anyway, tomorrow is another day... and motherhood rocks- it rocks your soul! OK! Seriously, it is perhaps one of the most rewarding journeys if you will allow yourself to evolve along the way.

phantom pain

Today, in Surgery, I thought about the phenomenon of phantom pain. I'm not sure what actually triggered the thought, but anyway... here goes...
Ok, so briefly put, phantom pain is the pain a person feels in what used to be a limb that has been severed/amputated. It is a phenomenon that is still a gray area in science, especially with regards to 'curing' it. The most recent (and I use the term 'recent' loosely) findings suggest that if you can get the brain to realise that the limb is not there anymore, you should be able to effectively get rid of the phantom limb pain. It has proven successful in some, bit al cases. One of the best known tricks for retraining the circuitry of the brain is the use of the mirror! Another has been to get the person to visualise the absent limb doing almost impossible movements. (It appears that the latter is a bit like performing unusual movements with your two limbs (simultaneously and differently) to cure hiccups.
I'm no expert on the intricacies of this, but I cannot help but come back to the topic of meridiens as seen in acupuncture and reflexology. I hasten to add that in my opinion this is directly connected to the fact that our entire being started off as one cell, and therefore everything in our bodies (regardless of the level of differentiation it has undergone, is connected). The other thing is, if every living thing has an energy field (and let's simply focus on the strictly orthodox scientific view of energy fields), then based on Einstein's famous equation E=mc^2, phantom pain is not such an anomaly! Let me explain. Whether the energy field precedes the formation of life, or life precedes the formation of the energy field to some may be a case of the chicken and the egg. Just bear that in mind, as I proceed with my explanation. If you use a thermal imaging camera to look at a person, you see a thermal signature. Some areas warmer than others. What you also see is the fact that the outline of the heat signature is not exactly the same as the boundaries of the person's physical form. If you could raise the sensitivity of the imaging equipment, you would probably see that the heat signature of the person actually extends beyon the physical boundaries of the persons body. Where am I going with this? You see, I'm building a case to make a point about why I think phantom pain makes perfect sense...and also why I think that acupuncture helps. I'm going to keep oscillating between what conventional medicine accepts to be fact and what the other theories say. You know the humunculus? There is the corresponding part of the face arms and legs in the cortex. To treatment for phantom limb pain is by applying these needles to certain points on the scalp. I think, if some electrical waves were applies to the scalp, targetting the specific area in the cortex that applied to the 'missing limb' some relief would be gained from this. I'm sorry, I'm moving backwards and forwards, but the ideas are just popping into my head and I don't want to forget them so I've lost a bit of the chronology of thought in the process of trying to capture the ideas..The reason I think that phantom pain is not such an unusual phenomenon is that even after the physical body part is removed, I think that there is some residual energy in that specific region, and if E=mc^2 (Gosh! I love that equation!! Seems to shed light on so many things that baffle me!! Gosh! Einstein!! Such genius!!).. Yes, if E=mc^2 then could it be that the pain of the limb being severed (or whatever) could have been converted into energy and therefor is existing in that form and then transmits through the nerves again? So the sensation of pain is physical (at the time of amputation); and then it gets 'stored' as energy, then it gets converted back into physical and transmitted along the nerves to the brain. If all cells have memory, then perhaps this is no different. Perhaps to help the neurons to forget or let go of the pain/memory
to be continued...

I hurt myself to feel...

I recently experienced something that gave me an insight into people who inflict pain on themselves in order to feel alive. I'm referring here to those who do this not as a sexual thing, but for a mind that is in the shadows. It never quite made sense until I experienced what I'm about to share with you.
A while ago, I realized that when I touched my skin, it didn't feel the same as before. It felt like my skin had gone slightly numb. It wasn't that I could not feel my fingers touching my skin. The sensation seemed a little blunted. It bothered me quite a bit. And I drew the conclusion that over the past couple of years, I had endured so many painful experiences that in order to just function and maintain some sanity/stability, I had numbed myself to pain somewhat. It was as if my body had physically manifested what my mind had set up. "...On Earth as it is in Heaven.." The body manifests that which predominates the mind. I remember when I had made that choice and I remember thinking how I would just switch because I didn't like getting hurt over and over again. I effectively manifested my intentions without even realizing what I was doing! Gosh! If I would only harness this power to manifest many more positive things!!!
Have you ever heard people who deliberately hurt themselves talk about why they do it? Most will say that it is to feel something. I used to thing this was really just a metaphor for something else, but having experienced this body numbing experiences, I realized it is a statement made in earnest! You see, the first time I noticed that my skin felt a little numb, I pinched myself just to feel the pain, because having pain reassured me that i was alive, that my sensation was intact.
As I pinched myself and felt the pain, it hit me! They really do inflict pain on themselves to feel something. Have I said that a few times already?
You see, most people who indulge in deliberate self-harm have suffered some kind of trauma that has pushed them into a state of mind that is self destruction. However, I believe that in that dark abyss of self inflicted suffering is a soul screaming out for help; looking for some way of waking up, of feeling alive again. You see, pain, as much as we hate it, tells us that we are alive.
You know how we say that someone has jumped out of their skin from fear or horror or following some trauma? Well, you see, jumping out of your skin means reducing your awareness of your senses and perhaps the most subtle would be that of 'fine touch' and vibration. It lessens the pain, physically to correspond with their reduced awareness. Remember that the body manifests that which predominates the mind!!
Where am I going with all this? Nowhere in particular. Just sharing an insight that I had, in the hope that you will feel greater compassion for those who hurt themselves because they have stepped out of their own skin!
I suppose what would really be helpful would be some solution to the problem.
I suppose, simplistically, if there were to get back into their own skins, they would not feel the need to cause pain. It's a bit ironic, though, since the reason they jumped out of their skin was because they felt a pain that was unbearable to them and did so as a means of self preservation.

Sometime last year, my daughter asked me to draw a dress for her in the car on the way to school... (so, we make full use of those red lights! Great therapy for my road rage). So I drew the dress and handed the sheet of paper back to her. She drew a head/face, arms, legs and then said,'mummy, I'm four!' and I thought,'what is she on about? She knows she is not four yet' then she says 'when I'm wearing the dress, I'm four' (PS:she was just over three at the time);
It got me thinking about the absence of tense (aka TIME) in the grammar of the little ones. They seem not to grasp the concept of past, present and future. It's all just the same to them. I cannot count how many times I tried to explain to her what' next week' means. Now, we spend years teaching them about was, is, will be. Ironically, we as adults spend our entire lives trying to cheat time! Trying to remove time from its focal point in our existence.

Reflexology and how we connect

As I looked at a reflexlogy chart with the body in the anatomical position, placed next to a vertebral column, placed next to a foot (lateral view, with the toes superior and heel inferior), I suddenly got it!! I mean, all along I pretty much understood the concept between the reflexology points/acupuncture and the various organs, but i looked at this chart and I just got it! I got it! I cannot put it any other way. Appreciating the concept and actually getting it on a deeper level are not one and the same. I suppose the closest analogy that comes to mind is sympathy versus empathy! I cannot tell you how often I have looked at the chart, yet today was the first time I actually got it. By the time, I'm done with this the phrase "I got it" will be the only thing ringing in my ears!!
If our nerves are like electrical wires that transfer energy, then if you stimulate them, you have an effect on the energy they transmit too.
I recently skimmed through an article that said that now that scientists had found a gene that coded for certain behaviour types, we could finally dismiss the idea of the subconscious or unconscious being responsible for certain phenomena we see vis a vis human behaviour. But, it is rather ironic, I think that that is what was concluded rather than the flip side which would be that for everything that exists in the spirit (or at a higher vibrational energy) there is the corresponding part to it on the physical level... Whether we like it or not, there exists a certain harmony between the seen and unseen. Just because we haven't gotten our minds around it, does not necessarily disprove it. You know how the concentration of molecules immediately interfacing a liquid and the atmosphere is supposed to be equal to the concentration of molecules in the liquid? Well, perhaps this phenomenon is analogous to life and death. And perhaps even though we believe as humans we are special and have souls and as a result the rules of life and death apply to us differently, we are like all the molecules. Perhaps on an unconscious level we know that we form a part of the energy/molecular flux that keeps the 'universe' alive. I use universe in quotes because I mean it not simply as what we perhaps have put a boundary on, but in terms of all that is/was/will be.

So back to reflexology and acupuncture. We start off as two cells joining, then we become one. This one cell divides into many, then each of these starts to differentiate into three layered plate which in turn differentiates into various cell/tissues/organs in order to serve different purposes to the organism. Now, if the blue print for the entire organ is based on the one cell, then there is a link between every cell in the organism no matter how complex and differentiated it has become. There is a memory. There is a 'psyche' that holds them together and I don't mean the obvious vessels and tendons and ligaments in isolation, although it could be argued that these 'sinews' could well represent the physical manifestation of the unseen parts of the organism in question. It means that in healing one organ, we can heal what we may perceive to be an unrelated organ. As I type this now, I am starting to get the concept behind chinese medicine and reason why the organs systems are so differently grouped to what we know in Western Medicine.

I am trying to articulate the logic behind what I once perceived as being quite abstract and scientifically inexplicable. Before this, I simply accepted that certain points on the body could indicate the state of health and result in healing of other organs, but somehow it has ceased to be an abstract concept to me. I don't know if you get what I mean. We are many, we are one...

E=mc^2

I woke up at twilight to check on my little girl and had an epiphany.

You know Einstein's famous equation? E=mc^2.

It is the mathematical representation of the link between the spiritual and the physical; between the seen and unseen... Dare I say, between God and Man...Heaven and Earth? Gosh! The simple profundity of this equation never ceases to amaze!! The sheer brilliance!! i cannot believe it was staring at me the whole time, yet I never saw it. Einstein was a genius in ways I had never even realised!!

Now here is the question that i have in relation to this! If the 'E' is the spirit and the 'mc' the physical, what it the actual nature of the '=' that joins the two? I cannot get over the beauty of it! In my opinion, this is the unifying equation...the one that brings mind and body together... All the scientist who do not believe, yet work with this equation everyday of their lives, have just not opened their eyes to see it. It is right there in the equation and all around us! Now, I what want to know is the nature of the 'equal to' sign that puts them together?

just a thought for the day

when we look at the stars, we are looking at the past and the present all at once... I looked out of my window tonight and all the beauty in the firmament warmed my heart... yes...we're looking at birth and we're looking at death...all at once

History of man- cyclical not linear

If history repeats itself, then we are always at some familiar point in that circle, and if that's the case where are we now? This was what my friend said today. Well, not exactly the same, but I put the circle bit into it. It really got me thinking; the naked profundity of his statement. Where are we? is what he asked. With all the conflicts that have been going on; with the seeming indifference of people to Rwanda, Somalia, Bosnia, Iraq, Sudan etc.

We have the world in a recession, we have so many wars around the world (50 years ago, this would officially have been named a world war.); there's famine and disaster; most people seem apathetic to the plight of others unless the particular situation affects them directly and when it does affect them, they develop this numbness to it... it is as though their tolerance to their suffering improves as the level of suffering intensifies. It almost resembles that syndrome of the abused spouse, who steadily comes to accept the abuse as part of his/her existence even though it is not right; starts making excuses for the oppressor (government in this case); justifies levels of suffering and keeps telling himself/herself that it will get better, and each time it gets worse, there's a little uproar which settles back into that reticent suffering. It is scary because it makes you realize that not only is the human-being able to survive in the worst of conditions, but more-so how possible it is for nations to be controlled by the few, and made to endure unnecessary hardships in relative silence. It is a bit ironic that as resilient as the human spirit is, it is so easy to 'enslave'. I'm not too sure what it is that makes this possible. Is it that our strength, our resilience, is what makes us perfect for the role of the oppressed? So one of our greatest strengths is our weakness too.

Free-IQTest.net

Free-IQTest.net - Quick IQ Test

Curtain call.

A friend of mine from a previous life called me out of the blue and started talking about how he'd missed me etc. I thought to myself,'what's going on here?' As it turned out, his best friend had died and it had turned his world upside down in every sense. His friend was young, successful and quite wealthy, I gather, yet was found dead away from friends and family. No warning... It just happened. It seemed this tragic event had forced my friend to re examine his life and reasons for living. I don't mean that he was contemplating suicide, but rather was doing some serious soul searching. He'd probably gotten as far as logic would take him and came to the conclusion that all that really matters in life is that you spend it with people you care about, doing what you'd most like to do, when you would like to do it rather than living in anticipation of the life you'd like to have.
You don't go to the movies to sleep and then wake up at the end to watch the credits, so why do so with your life?
I guess the beauty of life (and perhaps on the flip side, the horror too) is that it is like the theatre. You cannot rewind a scene or an act, just because it did not go according to script, and sometimes you are forced to improvise. You can step on and off stage as and when you like. You may choose to follow the rules strictly, or you may use your own style in which case you either become a star or a failure or worse, never get noticed.. You can be an actor, or a part of the audience and if you like you can even walk out! The funny thing is that regardless of your choice, the show must go on! Might as well be a part of it and enjoy it, because like it or not, every show has a curtain call.

Full of crap and everything else

Now, to you who do not believe. Take a moment to ponder on this.
You never really think about the fact that everything in our body; if put together would make one lethal combination. What do I mean? When you get a touch of food poisoning - what is called gastroenteritis- and you start throwing up and having the runs, does it ever occur to you how amazing it is that at any given moment, we are all walking around with poop in our bodies, yet we do not reek of it? Or the fact that in order for what we take for granted, our health, to exist in good order it is a delicate balance between chemicals and micro organisms, cells, membranes and indeed all that makes us whole. When you get a urinary tract infection, it is often because bacteria from your back passage have contaminated your 'water-works'. Is it not amazing that more people do not have urinary tract infections all that time, considering the proximity of one 'hole' to the next? Considering how many germs we have in our mouths, is it not amazing that our middle ears do not constantly get infected or our sinuses for that matter? Is it not interesting the fact that food goes in one end and faeces through the other end of the same pipe yet, the general movement of things is away from the mouth? Funny how if bacteria from the lower end of your gut enter your mouth you get sick. Such a huge contrast from one end of the pipe to the next! A lot of these things we don't even think about... a bit like the sun which is there; we never think about the possibility of it not rising... Surely, it is not by accident that these things occur in such equilibrium. the fact that our kidneys know what to filter out and what to reabsorb... the various parts of our gut that absorb different things... the fact that the womb and gut share the same space without cross contamination is another miracle... yes... a miracle... miracles are all around us; do not expect to see someone float on air. And speaking of air, is it not amazing that our bodies absorb the right amounts of oxygen or even that the percentage of oxygen in the atmosphere is just what we need? chicken or the egg? This brings me onto something else. 
In spite of the point of view of the Darwinian folk, even they say that something caused the beginning of things.. I take the view of creationism... but it incorporates the darwin point of view... one cannot deny the existence of fossils and as a result, the creatures that left them behind. However, one cannot simply leave the wonder of creation into the hands of some chance happening and simple choices of organisms to evolve. In my opinion it makes sense that there is a connectedness from the most basic organism to the most complex if they are all created by/of the same source. I believe the real story of living things lies in a marriage between the darwinian school of thought and creationism. However, regardless of what you choose to believe, one cannot deny the amazing compartmentalization that exists in our bodies!!!

Metamorphosis

When people we think we know become people we hardly recognize, we often talk about how they've 'morphed' into something else. The confusion over what happened to them and at which point sets in, or we blame someone in their lives, or circumstances, or wealth or poverty... The point of my brief entry is to talk about the metamorphosis.
A caterpillar 'morphs' into a butterfly. These two creatures whose physiology, anatomy, means of survival, movement are as chalk and cheese... yet one changes into the other; in this case from 'ugly' to 'beautiful'! If one did not know that these two were so closely related, or in the case of one caterpillar changing into a butterfly, one and the same... actually in the embryological development of a human, at some stage one could not tell just by just looking what the organism is, yet this too becomes a fully formed human (in most cases)... All I'm getting at, is the fact that when we express horror, or pleasant surprise at someone changing into someone we don't recognize we need to realize the fact that there is always a blue print for any potential transformation! Is it that some people are more likely to undergo that kind of drastic metamorphosis than others? Yes, I believe that is the case, however the blue print for that kind of caterpillar- butterfly metamorphosis lies dormant in all of us! We all have it in us to be angels or demons! The fact that we don't is probably the same thing that prevent our fingers from staying fused or being webbed; or kidneys remaining as one etc. Yet, every now and then, some process goes wrong, some enzyme malfunctions and the uterus does not form properly, the 'hole' in the septum of the heart remains patent, the facial bones do not fuse... things do not work out as they are supposed to; forcing us to change if we cannot handle the pressure... even a diamond, as beautiful as it is a metamorphosis of something that was under great pressure for so long that it could no longer resist the change which ultimately occurred.
It is not too far from who we are, when we undergo these unbelievable transformations; It's all about heads or tails, really. to be continued

"where does time go after it passes you by?" (Einstein?)

I found this a really interesting statement. I saw this quote on a picture of the man Einstein sitting on a rock by the sea with girlie sandals on... I was quite tickled because Albert Einstein was quite a hit with the ladies in his day, I'm told! Anyway, I digress.

Time; the experience of it is so subjective, so relative.. Even as we accept that time has specific units of measurements and is more or less standard on our level, it moves faster or slower depending on your circumstances. I wonder if we could say that in the same way as finger prints are unique to the individual, so is time! For instance we could say at 16:50:30, the subjective experience of time for me, a particular event happened and time moved in Gray time, a subset of 'real' time.
You know how when you are having fun, time passes so quickly and when you are not it seems to drag on forever? The second hand on the clock is not necessarily moving slower, but time is moving more slowly.

Anyway, I took my daughter to church on Sunday because she asked me to and it really struck me how things seemed to have stalled and yet moved so far ahead. As I walked into the church building which I had attended a few times before in a previous life, before I had my children it really struck me how the experience of time changed when you entered the realm of parenthood. It felt like I had moved into a completely different lane as far as time was concerned. It actually felt as if I was in the fast lane on the autobahn. no kidding! The strangest thing about this realization is that it took a trip to a place I used to go to in the past, to make me realize how much my life had moved on.... As to which direction specifically my life is headed, well I cannot say for sure, but the one thing I know is that I'm experiencing the passage of time at a relatively faster pace. It seems an oxymoron to state that especially as time is supposed to be the thing that has a standard unit that allows us to measure things against it!!

One of my friends from school (I shall call her A), mentioned to another friend of mine (who I shall call B) how much I'd changed. I don't think she meant it in a very positive sense. B came to my defense, rather emotively proclaiming that this was untrue. I explained to B that she would not be able to appreciate the extent of change because we had both moved into the fast lane. In a manner of speaking this was a case of two trains on parallel tracks moving in the same direction at the same speed, and a third heading in a similar direction moving at a different speed. obviously as far as the two trains moving at the same speed, there is no change in speed... the only way to ascertain their relative motion is to compare their movement to some other 'factor' besides each other!! Having put it that way, my friend,B, got the point! In her usual subjective/judgmental manner, she had forgotten that she was subject to the same 'rules' of change; she had forgotten the fact that maybe, just maybe, she had changed too. So, should we apologize for the fact that we've changed lanes and some of our friends are still in the old lanes, or have moved into different lanes too? Must they judge us because we have exercised our freewill and 'moved on'; evolved or not? We do and they do, although neither is required.

Actually, the recognition of what we see as the passage of time is based on the premise that change occurs. If nothing ever changed, would time cease to exist? It is actually difficult to conceptualize circumstances surrounding time, inexistent. As long as there is change (one form of energy to another, motion from one place to another, life/death etc), there is time. So could we even dare to say that time, in it's own unique way, is ALIVE?

Well, when time passes by, does it leave behind a signature? Does some of it stay behind and is the rest is yet to come? Is there new time and old time, like you have old shoes and new shoes? Does time that's passed by have an old smell like old books in the library? Does it have the 'appearance' of faded ink on ancient manuscripts? Time, is just another component of the equations that we as mortals use to explain events in our rather limited way. Does that make it any more real or otherwise as the air which we breathe or the beating of our hearts? That will just send me on another trip of questions and I might end up on something that has nothing to do with time, so I shall just end it by asking that wonderful thought-provoking question again... Where does time go when it passes (us) by?

stockholm syndrome and the abused wife

Today, my friend admitted to me that her husband used to hit her when they were married. I was not too surprised at the fact that he did... I suppose what took me off guard was the fact that she'd been reticent about it. She is a highly accomplished professional, with a wide range of experiences, great deal of exposure, a fair understanding of situations involving these dynamics... What I'm trying to put across is the fact that she is not just some dumb girl who ended up in an abusive relationship... as a matter of fact, there seems to be an inverse relationship between the extent of the reticence and the status (social/academic) of the woman. The more highly qualified the woman is, the less likely she is to admit to the existence of an abusive relationship, ironically. I suppose in part this is because the woman probably can't believe that she has actually ended up in such a predicament. My friend had fallen into the same trap/spiral as every other abused woman before her (and she won't be the last)! She was feeding his abuse by isolating herself; she kept trying to modify her behaviour to accomodate his all in a bid to avoid getting hit...she lost her self confidence and was always second guessing herself... she would put herself down and lift him up and we never understood why.... we all knew he was a loser, yet she always tried to make him bigger and better than he was. In retrospect, the signs were there. I just never thought that it could happen to her. It is actually heartbreaking that she suffered in silence. She literally suck with it. The only reason she found the strength to move was when she felt her children were in harm's way. To put it in her own words, she only walked away when she was ready to. And unfortunately that is the case with spousal abuse. You cannot achieve very much in terms of breaking the cycle until the person is truly ready to break the cycle and walk away. Well, all I can say is lucky for her, she had children to bail her out. Did it mean she had fallen in love with her abuser as it were? I don't know, but she almost felt guilty for being all she was. It was almost as though she had finally come to the conclusion that if she could only be less of herself, he would cease to be so abusive. The more she did that, the more empowered he became... like a said, a vicious cycle. Anyway, the Stockholm syndrome describes a psychological response of  a hostage to their captor. In brief, it is when the hostage become sympathetic to the captor and this is born out of a form of psychological torture in which the hostage is isolated and threatened with death and then shown little acts of kindness as well. It does not take very long for this to take hold. In my friend's case, I don't think she was threatened with death, but she was certainly pushed far enough. The isolation was borne out of everyone else's dislike for her spouse. She walked away. Will she be able to avoid such a situation again? Will she be able spot the flags from a distance and avoid getting into such a situation? I'd hope so. Me? I'll keep watching this space...

Mother kills her children...evil or delusional compassion

The first time I heard about a mother who had killed her own children and then committed suicide, I was really baffled. How could a mother do such a thing? I believe that her action, as abominable as it was, in her mind was an act of compassion. In her mind, she did not want to abandon her children. She felt that if she could not be there for them, she did not want to risk anyone maltreating them... or having them thrown into foster care. It seems a very unnatural act, but if you can remove any ethical/moral/emotional bias from your judgment, in using cold hard logic (as warped as it may be), you can see how in her own mind (delusional or not) she could do such a thing to her own children. After all, what gives her the right to take away the life of another even if she gave birth to him/her?